tiramisu cake

why i still bake even though i was told i'm not good enough at it + keeping hobbies sacred

recently, i applied for a job that i was incredibly passionate about. i was feeling tied down, tired out, and underestimated at my current job, hence wanting a career change. i always thought i’d get a job doing something i absolutely loved, and that’s always been baking. i just wanted to be in the kitchen. but recently, being “in the kitchen” making the same six sandwiches every day, running out of ingredients, and being given busy work just started to really, really, suck.

i told myself if i really did love baking, i’d be able to find a job as a pastry assistant, or something in that world, being able to do what i love and get paid for it. i wanted the world to know my love for baking, see my love for it, and also see that i was validated by an employer. like, “hey, she likes to bake. but guess what? she’s so good at it, it’s her profession.” so, needless to say that after a month of waiting, multiple rounds of interviewing (including an unpaid trial shift) and anticipating getting what i thought was my dream job, i was shot down. not only was i shot down, i was sent a huge e-mail about why i was shot down, what the other person did better than me, and was told to pick up a textbook and further my knowledge if i want to continue with a career change.

and yeah, i cried. i still cry. because i know i don’t know everything, but… i don’t know, i guess i just thought i was better than that. and i needed a win. i really, really needed a win.

i still replay every moment in my head, trying to figure out what little things i completely bombed on to get rejected at the last second. and then i realized, why am i letting this situation (which does suck, and yes, i’ll still probably cry for a while thinking back on it and re-reading the e-mail, trying to read between the lines) overshadow the fact that i don’t need to have a job in a specific field to validate or continue doing something that makes me incredibly happy? and why am i letting someone else determine my worth doing something that is a piece of me, and has been for such a long time?

this isn’t the first time i’ve had a career in turning a hobby into a business, but we won’t get into that. but, i came to the realization that the moment outside forces tell me or do anything to indicate i’m no longer “good enough” i pack it up and call it quits.

tiramisu cake

not every hobby needs to be turned into your work. which seems like kind of a wild thing to say today, because almost everyone wants to be self made and profit off of themselves.

i want my hobbies to be my hobbies again.

i want to do things without caring about how perfect they are, where i’m posting it to, how many likes i get, if i get enough “reach”, or wondering how i can discreetly turn everything i’m doing into a casual ad.

i. just. want. to. bake. again.

for myself.

i’m here on substack (which i refer to as subby sometimes) because i like to write, and i like to bake, make, and share my recipes (and more than THIRTY of you want to read what i write?!?!). more so than that, i love to share what i’ve made. and since you lovely, lovely people can’t have a physical piece of cake, sharing it online fills that hole for me when i don’t have anyone to give it to offline.

this tiramisu cake is the way i’m giving myself closure from being rejected at the italian bakery, as mentioned above. this way, i don’t completely write off italian desserts because of an unhappy memory. i wanted to make sure i kept the good ones around this cuisine in tact.

also, for this recipe, i get to use my new to me kitchen-aid mixer (i talked about this in a previous post) and it was a lot of fun. the lavender color is so calming and sweet, and i love that the 5 qt bowl has a handle, compared to my previous 4.5 qt one that doesn’t.

enough rambling, i hope you guys enjoy this recipe!

a slice for you

p.s. — i HIGHLY recommend watching this video by preppy kitchen on swiss meringue buttercream. he does a great job at explaining the process, as well as troubleshooting and is perfect for a beginner making it for the first time. :-) i also have it linked in footnote #4.

tiramisu cake

for the cake

• 183 g unbleached all purpose flour + 27 g cornstarch (or 210 g unbleached cake flour)

• 202 g granulated sugar

• 8 g baking powder

• 1/2 tsp salt

• 113 g salted butter, room temp

• 1 egg + 2 egg whites

• 119 g milk

• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

• 1 tsp almond extract

for the coffee syrup

• 125 g water

• 105 g granulated sugar

• 11 g instant coffee (or brewed coffee)

• 6 g espresso powder

for the swiss meringue buttercream

• 145 g egg whites (this should be about 4 eggs worth of egg whites. you can use pasteurized carton egg whites, but the meringue might not be as fluffy)

• 340 g butter, softened to room temperature

• 198 g granulated sugar

• 1/8 tsp salt

• 15 g vanilla bean paste

other ingredients - no exact amounts

• cocoa power for dusting

• mini chocolate chips

• shaved chocolate

1. for the cake, preheat oven to 350F and line a round 6-7” cake pan¹ with parchment paper. set aside.

2. in the bowl of a stand mixer², combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt and softened butter. begin mixing on low speed until the flour coats the dry ingredients and the texture resembles crumbly, wet sand.³

3. in a measuring cup, combine the milk, egg + egg whites and both extracts and whisk.

4. in 3 stages, pour in the wet mixture into the dry on low speed, scraping the bowl between each addition.

5. pour the batter into a lined cake pan and bake at 350F for 40-45 minutes, or until when a cake tester or toothpick is inserted, it comes out clean.

6. set aside and allow the cake to fully cool.⁴

7. to make the coffee simple syrup, in a small saucepan, combine the water, sugar, instant coffee and espresso powder. melt these together until the sugar and coffee powders have dissolved; set aside.

8. for the swiss meringue buttercream, create a bain-marie by filling a medium sauce pot with an inch or two of water, allowing it to come to a boil and then bringing it to a simmer.

9. in a heatproof bowl, combine egg whites, sugar and salt with a whisk. bring the bowl over to the pot of simmering water and place on top, making sure the bottom of the bowl does not make direct contact with the water.

10. once the mixture begins to warm up, begin whisking constantly until it is not grainy/gritty between your fingers (we don’t want to feel any sugar).

11. take your bowl off the heat and begin whisking (with a stand mixer or hand mixer, or a loooot of elbow grease and a regular whisk) until you get stiff, glossy peaks.

12. add in small chunks of butter as you continually whisk the meringue, making sure to only add in the next piece of butter once the previous one has been fully incorporated.⁵ then, add in vanilla bean paste.

13. once the cake has fully cooled, slice into three equal layers. on a plate (or a turntable if you have one, i don’t so i’m just using a large plate) begin layering your cake. to assemble:

    

    1. place the first layer of your cake down, then use a brush (or a spoon) to evenly soak and disperse 1/3 of our coffee simple syrup.

    2. spread an even layer of buttercream, then grate some chocolate on top of the buttercream, coating the surface.

    3. place the other layers on top, repeating the same steps.

    4. use the rest of your buttercream (this should be the majority of it) to frost the outside of your cake — you can do whatever you want and decorate it however you’d like!

    5. top with a light dusting of cocoa powder and chocolate shavings

1. this recipe can easily be doubled to fit a 9” cake pan!

2. you don’t have to use a stand mixer if you don’t have one! a hand mixer will do. or you could really put in some elbow grease and whip out a whisk and spatula and do it all by hand :-)

3. this is called the reverse creaming method, where we combine our fat and sugar with our dry ingredients, instead of creaming them separately. by allowing the fat to coat the flour, we prevent gluten from forming, leaving us with a tender and soft crumb to our cake.

4. i like to freeze my cake slightly to make it easier to cut and handle.

5. this process of making the meringue buttercream requires patience. if your buttercream looks like cottage cheese while you’re slowly adding the butter, that’s okay! keep whisking. when trouble shooting this recipe, this video by preppy kitchen is outstanding at explaining how to fix swiss meringue buttercream.